Monday, February 13, 2012

My Diary (Then and Now)

The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.“ This quote by Barbara DeAngelis exactly defines the last year and a half of my ever so seemingly uninteresting life.

The moment I laid my foot on the land of Pune (March 2011), it gave me a sneak peek of the bumpy ride ahead. The unwillingness of coming to Pune for the intended purpose had already sucked the fun out of moving to a new place for the first time,making me officially tagged as a grown-up; and no accommodation added to the woes, leaving me with no option but to spend a day on the road, cursing myself for not booking a hotel, owing to some ego issues. This desperation led me to settle for a PG, which made my life a suffering for a month . But, like I quoted above, the journey had started, the journey into myself. What ensued thereafter was life changing, not remarkable for the people around, but for me, yes.

The whole idea of pushing myself to like and excel at something I have absolutely hated for years , without being paid, for indefinite time period; for the sole reason that I didn't have the guts to take the plunge into the unexplored territories made me suffocate each day. But the fearful, indecisive and the people pleas-er I was, I continued drowning myself into the invisible ocean of dis-satisfaction, anger and chaos within, only to end up making things more miserable than I had started with. But this entire episode was a blow on my face to make me face the fact that there is no point adding days to life, just to be in the comfort zone which actually doesn't even, by any means, match your own definition of comfort.

While I was silently dealing with this trauma, I discovered what had subconsciously been bothering me since the day I had started pondering about the whole hole-in-the-heart and no-courage-in-the-ass syndrome I was suffering from.. With no opinion at all and no decisive power, I had based my belief system on what I had been taught rather than experienced. It indeed is a lame existence. A person who doesn't hold his own opinions invariably rely on the external sources, making him prone to a confused and handicapped life. Voila! Know your problem? Consider it half solved. For the rest, read 'work-in-progress'.

Came December and I was sent to Bangalore for a month long training, which gave me an opportunity to experience the 10 days I would take back to my grave. An 8 days vacation, stretched to 10 filled with amusement, adventure and the moments which succeeded in leaving an everlasting impact on my life, my first Road Trip. I would hopefully try to come up with a travelogue I have been promising since almost a year now. It was a life changing experience. It altered the way I perceive life. The roads could teach me what 25 years of schooling and the nurtured and protected life couldn't. It charmed me into actually believing the cliché - The joy lies in not knowing what life has to offer but to keep moving ahead with the hope of reaching the destination, savouring the ride. Also, the roads less taken can lead you to the breath-taking landscapes making all the pain and the struggle gratifyingly worth.

Like Lao Tzu said,“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”, mine has just begun with the first step of figuring what I expect out of my life and that none except me holds the right to decide the direction to be followed to live a fulfilled life.